Dear Bernice
I’ve just started a new recruit – I manage an office in a skip yard near Harlow, Essex. The new guy is showing promise, and is a great person to have in the office. He works hard and is great with the customers. Thing is, he has the most awful breath ever. I literally can only speak to him when he’s on the other side of the room. This is no coffee breath – it’s a smell that I can’t describe, and it smells like it’s from the stomach – it’s a really overpowering stench!
Everybody’s noticed, so what do I do? The idea of letting him know really makes me nervous cos I don’t want to upset his feelings. Can you help Bernice?!?!?!
Troubled, Essex
Hey Troubled!
You’ve come to the right place. It may not be the worse thing ever to happen to anyone, but you’re right, it’s a sensitive subject and you don’t want to embarrass the poor thing. He obviously doesn’t know.
OK, so what do you do? First of all, change your perspective on the thing. You’re doing him a favour by letting him know his breath smells. You’ve not mentioned whether he has a partner or not, but with breath like that, I would hazard a guess he’d have trouble pulling. Get him on his own, and just mention quietly the problem. Say something like, (and this may include a white lie!), ‘I’m not sure if you’ve realised, but I couldn’t help but notice your breath. I was wondering if you have any stomach problems, the only reason is that I had a problem a few years ago with my stomach and it resulted in my breath ponging…” Something like that, with empathy and sensitivity, you will have helped him confront this rather embarrassing complaint. He can then do something to tackle it. It might even be the case of eating more – not eating enough often triggers your stomach to produce rather noxious gases! Good luck!
Hi Bernice
Could you help? I’ve been seeing one of the guys who works in my office. I’m 23 and he’s 37 and I know he’s a lot older than me, but well, the sex is great. I’ve been seeing him since the Christmas do, where we pulled each other. He likes taking pictures of me when we’re in the bedroom on his mobile phone and I’m petrified that he’s showing his mates. My uncle works on the skip wagons and if he saw me with no clothes on, I’d be so upset. My fella says he’s not showing anyone, but I can’t say I entirely believe him. He had a girlfriend before me, and I know for a fact he showed a video on his phone of her doing something to him to his mates in the pub. I like him but I’m so anxious. What shall I do?
Desperate, Edinburgh
Blimey Charlie. That’s a bad situation to find yourself in. OK, it all boils down to, can you trust him? And to be blunt, Desperate, it sounds like a resounding ‘No’. He’s a lot older than you and he’s sounds like he likes trying his look with a pretty, yound thing like yourself. He’s got a lot of powerful material on that phone and for a relationship so young, I wouldn’t be happy with him carrying all that around. He probably hasn’t shown your uncle, as your uncle would have probably walloped him. My advice is to tell him that you want to continue seeing him but until the relationship develops into a completely trusting one, you want him to wipe all the photos off his phone. If he’s worth it, he’ll comply. And don’t beat yourself up about it – there’s nothing wrong with doing what you’ve done. Next time, just wait until your 100% comfortable with doing it.
